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In a world of difference we can – and should – work harder to cultivate subtle, perceptive empathy towards all human beings.Empathy, the sharing of feelings with another person and consequently caring about them, is typically a virtue in our society. ‘I hear you’ and ‘I feel your pain’ are said with a sense of compassion and concern for the welfare of others. We embrace the ‘Golden Rule’ to treat others as we would want to be treated. And when we feel empathy, we are inclined to do good things. One of the leading psychology scholars on empathy, C Daniel Batson, points out that, although definitions of empathy vary, all share the view that empathy is a process through which we experience and understand the feelings of others, and that can move us to respond in considerate and concerned ways.
Continue reading the post at Aeon... Do not confuse empathy with reading others to take advantage or gain from them.
Books with provocative titles such as The Dark Sides of Empathy and Against Empathy demand that we ask ourselves if empathy is good and worth our time.1 I am up for the discussion, as I believe deeper analysis of empathy can only help us to better understand it. But I do worry that disparaging empathy is clouded by misrepresentations of what empathy is and lets people claim that because there is a dark side to empathy, we do not need to attend to the feelings of others. Continue Reading the post at Psychology Today... Tribal membership meant survival.
We are drawn to our group identities in part from a place of belonging, and in part from a very real evolutionary need for survival. Human beings are not built to survive without group support. Human babies take many, many years before they can care for themselves. From the time of earliest human history, living as part of a tribe was beneficial — there was safety in numbers and a division of labor so that food could be procured by some, while others were caring for the young. Due to minimal geographic mobility, most tribes were built with people who were similar and related. This learned survival through tribal living, while not necessarily genetically programmed, was built on enough generations to be a strong part of our cultural ancestry as human beings. Continue reading the post at Psychology Today.... Power blocks empathy and hence being understanding of othersToday, 34 days into the government shutdown and one day away from the second missed pay period for 800,000 federal workers, U.S. Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross stated that he saw no reason why these unpaid workers were going to food banks and shelters. According to Ross, all they simply needed to do was get a loan to tide them over. Then, later in the day, the President offered to clarify what he meant and explained that all these federal workers are local folks, so they can go to their local banks and local landlords and local mortgage lenders and work out a deal. I got paid this month, I am very grateful for that. But if I hadn’t and needed a helpful local loan, no such thing would be coming, not quickly for sure. The last bank refinance I did took weeks for the bank to process and required a zillion copies of every financial document I owned. Even though the decision was based on a job I had held for over 20 years and was still securely employed in that same job, I waited weeks for approval! So much for a quick “tide you over loan.”
Continue reading the post on Psychology Today... How about a New Year’s resolution that fits us all and is worth doing?I don’t blame you if you are rolling your eyes and shaking your head as you see this and wishing everyone would stop with the push to make resolutions. How many times do we make a list or mental note to start, or restart, a new habit, promise, routine with the flipping of the calendar page to January 1st? I know all about broken New Year’s resolutions– start a work-out routine, lose weight, don’t get angry, smile more – and these are just the generic ones. Do we really need a specific holiday to bring attention to how well we keep promises to improve ours and others’ lives? Shouldn’t we do that all the time?
Continue reading the post on Psychology Today... Focusing on others is important for them, but it is also good for us.This time of year, staying healthy gets a lot of our attention – we get flu shots, cold medicines go flying off the shelves, and hand-sanitizers are ever-present. We all know that staying healthy is important. So here is another health tip: empathy is good for your health. How can this be? Isn’t empathy about focusing on the other person – how someone else is feeling, what they might be thinking, what it is like to be in the other person’s place? If empathy is about the other person, how does practicing empathy help me?
Continue reading the post on Psychology Today... Sticks and stones and words can hurt you. Remember the childhood phrase “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" It was supposed to be our defense against bullies, our response when people said mean things to us. Our parents thought that would protect us. Unfortunately, they were wrong.
Continue reading the post on Psychology Today... Walking in the shoes of immigrants today connects us to our ancestral past. Who am I? Where did my family come from? Millions of Americans are asking themselves these questions. These are the questions that have motivated them to buy a DNA testing kit. In fact, in recent years more than 12 million people have had their DNA tested through companies that provide the testing directly–dab the inside of your cheek with a swab, send it in and then wait to find out where your ancestors came from and who you might be related to now. There are genealogy software programs and phone apps to help you do this work. We even have a popular television series, “Finding Your Roots,” that traces the ancestry and family history of celebrities.
Continue Reading on Psychology Today... Saying I’m sorry takes strength and it helps to have a good dose of empathy. Mistakes happen. At some point we all have said something we regret, or done something we wish we hadn’t, or didn’t do something we wish we had. We hurt people’s feelings. We have also been on the receiving end of those hurt feelings. Someone said or did something that made us feel mistreated and wronged. When nothing is said or done to acknowledge that mistake we are left with those hurt feelings.
Continue reading the post on Psychology Today... Rallying for "us versus them" gives us a clear picture of an empathy deficit. This past weekend was the one year anniversary of the rallies and counter-protests in Charlottesville, Virginia. To commemorate the event, last years’ organizers held an anniversary gathering, this time in Washington, D.C. across from the White House. Although by numbers it was minuscule compared to last year, it shows us how much social empathy matters, and more importantly, how much a lack of social empathy matters.
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Elizabeth A. Segal, PhD
April 2019
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